Back to Black

The Urban Dictionary defines back to black as

going back to what you know
trying something out, but realizing it wasn’t for you, and going back to what you know.

I wrote 3 posts in all of 2022! Just for fun…

• 2021- 19 posts
• 2020- 10 posts
• 2019- 10 posts
• 2018- 7 posts
• 2017- 23 posts
• 2016- 96 posts in just 6 months

2022 was by far the worst year of my life, 2016 by far the best. I’ve been all over the place the last 7 years. I don’t want to ride this rollercoaster any more. I want to get back to what I know works… And that’s being a slave. I’ve been blessed with a Master who loves me and cares for me and wants nothing more than to see me succeed and make all of my dreams come true. He asks one simple thing of me… Follow. No more rollercoasters, just getting back to what works.

I can’t help but cry when I think of how kind and patient and supportive He has been these last 7 years. He deserves so much better than what I’ve given Him this last year. I’ve robbed Him of a year of happiness, a year of peace. I had no idea what kind of beast grief and depression could be. I still don’t fully understand it but after months of counseling I believe I’m getting a handle on it. I’m remembering how to be the woman He took.

A long time ago I heard a quote that said “when nothing goes right go left”. Today I find myself so far out in left field my life doesn’t even seem real. Most days I feel like I’m living a fantasy. I wonder how it can be real or what I’ve done to deserve this charmed life. Sometimes it can be scary but this morning Sir told me to stop looking for road blocks and start looking for opportunities. He always renews my faith and gives me hope. He always tries to bring me back to center. He always reminds me how to follow. When I’m lost… All I have to do is follow.

I’ve recalibrated my compass. It will always point to Him. He will always be my journey and my destination. I have a renewed sense of faith, hope and love. Today I follow.