Jibberish · Vanilla

The best

I had a sort of epiphany recently and it’s been difficult to deal with and muddle through.  I am not giving Sir the best version of me.  I have an addiction that may very possibly be the most difficult addiction to beat.  Food addiction.

When I met Sir I was on the road to better health (so was He).  I was losing weight and getting fit.  My addiction was under control.  Somewhat.  But addiction is something you have to stay on every single day.  And food addiction is hard.  It’s a very mental thing.  It’s not like you can just stop eating and kick your addiction, you have to change how you look at food.  For me, I have to look at food as fuel and nothing more.  But it’s hard.  Especially now that we’re together full time.  We feed off each other (no pun intended).  I say “Ice cream sounds good” and He says “Go get us some”!  Bad combination.  You see, the problem is, He’s addicted too.

I feel like by not doing the things that need to be done to get my body in the best shape I can for Him I’m not giving Him what He deserves.  Not only am I not providing an attractive specimen for Him to use and show off but I’m not helping with His addiction.  I should be providing support to help Him get fit and healthy but no, I’m just providing an environment that fosters His addiction.

There are a million reasons why “I just can’t kick the habit right now” but they’re truly just excuses.  There’s no reason I can’t search for healthier recipes and stop buying junk.  There’s no reason I can’t encourage Him to go for a walk after dinner.  Yes, we usually eat late and we’re beat when dinner is done and we do the worst thing possible; sit down, watch TV and go to bed.  We both work all day, we’re both tired and we both want to relax.  Is that the thing to do though?

Even if I can’t get Sir to do the “right thing” maybe if I just start doing what I’m supposed to He will follow suit.  When I was doing really well in my addiction journey He constantly told me how much He admired me and what an inspiration I was to Him.  Now I’m neither but if I could get back to where I was or at least doing the things I was doing He would be inspired to do those things as well.  Part of my job as His slave is to be His rock and I’m letting Him down.

It’s time to make some changes.  I cannot control His world.  I cannot control His house.  I cannot control His day or the choices He makes.  I cannot control what I eat or what I do, He controls all of these things.  What I control is my mind.  Sure, He can tell me what I should be thinking about and He can guide me in my actions, even to the point of forcing me to do the things He requires of me but what happens in my head is up to me.  It’s time to get control of my head space and make things right.  It’s time to be His rock and provide the support He needs for His journey.

It’s time to make some changes.

One thought on “The best

  1. OH hurray. I try and do the things I need to do that i know will help BOTH of us. Foodwise, choosing better healthier dishes and picking restaurants that serve said food. i think a part of him feels guilty at going through unhealthy stuff when i’m sitting there eating a salad – and then saying i can’t finish all of it.

    i often will tell him i probably wont be able to finish the thing i’ve ordered so will he eat some of it, and that means he wont order a huge plate of something. it’s a good thing you’re doing. i salute you.

    i also take responsibility for his vitamins and supplements. i buy them, give him a bottle and he dutifully pops a pill or 3 every morning.


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