…for Him to wake up, for Him to get out of the shower, for Him to come to breakfast, for Him to leave for work. I wait to hear from Him all day because that one little text message in the middle of the day offers this huge spark of encouragement (whether intended or not). I work and bring home a paycheck and wait for Him to say when He will be there so I can have dinner ready when He gets home. I kneel. I clean. I wait. I go to bed when I’m told and I try desperately to stay awake until He comes to bed but I fall asleep waiting.
I am a slave and I wait.
Recently Sir took me to work with Him. I played hooky and got to see what His days are like. We spent the entire day in His truck driving from one site to another checking on people and jobs. He would go do His thing and I would wait. In between His phone ringing and all the stops we had to make I talked constantly. The poor guy didn’t get a moment’s peace. Of course I didn’t think of it that night, when I was sent to bed before Him (on Maintenance Monday) and waited and waited and waited for Him to come to bed but that was probably so He could get some peace and quiet.
Sometimes it seems like a bit of a challenge to stay “submissive”. To wait. To sit quietly without expectation. Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because I’m so frustrated. But instead I take a deep breath and wait and remind myself that I signed up for this, this is my life now and 99.99% of the time I love it!
Today I’m kind of a hot mess. Today is that .01% of the time I feel like I’m in over my head. I’m past the breaking point of tired. I need a solid 9 hours sleep to function most effectively. I’ve been operating on 4-6 hours too many days in a row. I don’t feel good, my stomach’s been queezy all day, I’m emotional… It isn’t a good day for adulting. So I was sent to bed and now I wait for sleep. I’ve waited all day and now that I’m FINALLY home all I want is to sleep but instead I’m laying in bed thinking about all the things that are waiting to be done and rambling on about things that make absolutely no sense.
Darkness has overcome the light and soft snores are beginning to emerge from the playful souls that sleep at the foot of my bed. Sleep feels imminent. The wait is nearly over tonight…