Do you ever feel like putting a worm on a piece of paper and circling it with big red sharpie?
The past week has been like that for me. There has been so much going on and so much I’m responsible for, I have felt the desperate need to have that all taken away and be reminded that I have nothing. I’m a slave. I have responsibilities because He gives them to me. I do not have a car, a house, a business, a bank account… It is all just an illusion and from time to time I slip out of my reality and believe that the illusions are my life.
Occasionally Sir will get a wild hair and play the lottery. I told Him that if “we” win I want to stay home and make art all day. First of all, there is definitely no “we” there and second what I would REALLY want is to have all my responsibilities taken away and just be a slave. Yes, I’m a slave now but I think it would be amazing to just be a mindless cunt. No thinking. No stressing. No planning. Just doing as I’m told and waiting for my next command. It would be a challenge, I don’t sit still very well but I’d sure like to take a shot at it.
A few days ago we were in bed and we talked about starting up Maintenance Mondays (again). This time He brought it up. I can talk until I’m blue in the face but until He decides it’s going to happen it’s just a bunch of hot air.
He pulled out a beautiful black collar and a silver chain leash. He told me that when I get home on Monday I’m to put it on immediately and before I see Him. I will be naked, of course. Should the leash be attached it is to dangle and under no circumstances am I to touch it. EVER! Doing so will result in punishment. He made sure everything was clear and that I understood. I repeated it back to Him, complete mush inside. He told me to remind Him when Monday got closer and He would tell me where I would find the collar. It was all I could think about and last night I reminded Him. He said He would take care of it. And just to be on the safe side, since it’s Monday, I asked Him if He remembered. He told me I didn’t need to worry about it.
We lounged around as long as we could before we had to start getting ready for work this morning and when it was time for Him to head out the door He told me to go get His boots and clean them for Him. I went into our bathroom to get a cloth and there it was, the collar sitting on the bathroom counter and I stopped dead in my tracks, somewhat startled at the sight of it. Then the thought ran through my mind that things just got real.