After Sir read my last post He wanted to talk about it. I suppose that’s good, it shows He’s concerned, although that wasn’t the goal of my writing it. In fact when I talked to Him on the phone today I was at work and even though I really didn’t want to talk about it anyway I was able to get out of it because it was an inappropriate topic of discussion for the workplace. And I know He’s concerned for my well-being, both mentally and physically, I don’t need for Him to tell me.
Though it did feel good when He reminded me of what I am. Not who, but what. I am a slave. And my purpose is to care for Him. He reminded me that all the belongings I “possess” are “mine” because He allows me to keep them. And I don’t need to worry about where they will go, there will be a place.
He also reminded me again that once I move in there will be no turning back and I need to think about it and make sure it’s what I really want. There’s nothing I want more. I’ve thought about it. I think about it every day and the only thing that concerns me has nothing to do with Him or us or being a slave or finding a place for “my things” it’s my mom. She and I are very close and not being near her is a little scary. We’re already making plans to have her stay with us next weekend and I think that will be really good. But as far as being His and serving Him and not having the option to turn back… Those are all the things I want.
Maybe I’m a little twisted but not having the option to leave makes me feel special. If He didn’t care for me He wouldn’t forbid me from leaving. And I love that I can say that here. There’s no one in my life, aside from Sir, that I could say that to who wouldn’t be calling a domestic abuse hotline for me. I know that my friends and co-workers would never understand but that’s okay. I just keep the reason for my happiness to myself.
I smile a LOT more. My life is good. Everything is just as it should be. And in just 2 more sleeps I’ll be His full time. Writing that chokes me up a little and brings tears of happiness to my eyes because I just can’t believe this is REALLY happening. It all feels too good to be true. Things don’t usually work out for me. Maybe the winds of change are blowing our way. Maybe good fortune is in the cards. Maybe life is finally about to get a little easier. Maybe… Just maybe…